Mental Health

03 August 2022

Is it possible to be enough? What does being enough look like? Feel like? Does anyone feel enough?

These are all questions I've pondered before.

As a recovering people pleaser, and someone who has lived most of my life comparing myself with others, I've often felt less than enough.

This makes complete sense, because, by nature, when comparing one thing with another, there will always be a winner and a loser.

One that's 'more than' and one that's 'less than' the other.

This is simply the nature of comparisons!

When comparing myself with others in my own mind, the other person mostly wins. (well, they almost always win....)

I am convinced that it's me who falls short. I'm the one who feels less than...

So, at the risk of over simplifying this challenge, it kind of makes sense that the act of comparison must be part of the problem.

I'm finally accepting that it's a big part of the problem.

So, if you struggle with the issue of believing you're not enough, the first step toward changing this belief is to simply choose to no longer compare yourself to others. (Easier said than done! Believe me, I know! But still worth acknowledging and pondering about...)

Another challenge when it comes to believing I am enough, is the definition of the word itself.

Merriam Webster definition of ENOUGH: 

 - adjective:occurring in such quantity, quality, or scope as to fully meet demands,

    needs, or expectations

 - adverb:in or to a degree or quantity that satisfies or that is sufficient or necessary for    

    satisfaction

 - pronoun: a sufficient number, quantity, or amount — often used interjectionally

And herein lies the challenge...

When you read through these definitions of 'enough' - do you also see the challenge?

Look at the adjective 'enough'... "to fully meet demands, needs and expectations!"....

Well, whose demands? Whose needs? Whose expectations am I trying to fully meet? 

And as an adverb... "something that satisfies or is sufficient"

Satisfies who? Sufficient for whom?

And as a pronoun... again, something sufficient. 

Sufficient according to who?

So, this is another reason, I believe, for so many of us to struggle with feeling enough.

Because who decides when enough is enough? Who measures enough?

How long is a piece of string?

I think it is. And here's the key:

The key lies in WHO gets to decide whether or not I'm enough!

Who do I give permission to to measure my "enoughness"?

"If I'm the one who decides, AND I'm also the one constantly comparing myself to others, then I'll always fall short!

Based on my past, if I'm the one measuring my "enoughness", I lose.

So, either I stop comparing myself to others, and see how that goes...

OR

I hand over the decision to another person to decide whether or not I'm enough. 

Now I don't know about you, but this option doesn't seem very wise either. 

You may tell me I'm enough until you're blue in the face, but do I believe you? Are you just saying so to make me feel better?

It's also possible that this will leave me constantly wondering whether you think I'm enough or not!

So, is there another option? Is there a win?

What I'm about to share now is simply my own personal view on this subject, and also the best solution I've discovered so far.

I've discovered that the only one suitable to measure my enoughness is the one who created me. God himself.

I love the great old story of Moses. He was not convinced about being enough either. So, he asked God about it, and God answered by saying - "I'll be with you".

Exodus 3:11-12

Moses answered God, “But why me? What makes you think that I could ever go to Pharaoh and lead the children of Israel out of Egypt?”

 “I’ll be with you,” God said.

If you're interested in discovering more about what the bible says about YOU being enough, then click here 

If you're uncomfortable handing this over to God, or are not sure what you believe about God, I want to encourage you to figure out a way to believe that you are enough.

You can start by reflecting on whether you have a tendency to compare yourself to others, and recognise that you have a choice to stop.

Then, ask yourself "Whose demands, needs and expectations am I trying to satisfy?