Updated: Sep 27, 2018
I used to squirm in my seat and avoid all eye contact when someone started to talk about self worth. I hoped they wouldn't ask me for my opinion. I had an intangible knowing that mine was low, or not quite where it should be, yet I had no idea how to actually define it or how to improve it. It just was.
When I was practicing medicine and had the title of "Dr" in front of my name, my self worth felt neither good nor bad ( let's say 5/10). Then after moving continents and becoming a stay at home mum, my sense of self worth hit an all time low (2/10). If I was in company where I felt liked and accepted, it went up (5/10). If I felt judged it went down.(2/10). In other words... my sense of self worth fluctuated depending on my external circumstances, but always remained in the low range.
Fast forward a few years and thanks to a lot of coaching and soul healing, I'd say I'm an 9/10. The truth is, as I continue along my coaching journey, I've noticed that when my clients and I start to dig a bit deeper around their issues, their underlying sinister and familiar gremlin called "low self worth" seems to keep showing up. Low self worth almost seems to be on trend, so I thought it worth talking about it this month, and I have some great news for you!
Firstly, self worth can be quite simply defined. And secondly, it can be nourished and it can flourish!! (....and no, it's not as impossible as you might imagine).
Let’s begin by looking at the definition of self worth:
Self-worth (noun) : the inner sense of one's own value or worth as a person.
So, simply put, it's the measure of worth you give to yourself.
It's how you value yourself.
During our childhood years we learned to believe certain things about our self and our value, and then we carried these beliefs with us into adulthood. A lot of these beliefs feel intangible because they are hidden in our sub-conscious. We know they are there because we compare ourselves to others and think thoughts like "I'm not enough". These thoughts and emotions are rooted in what we believe about our value.
In his well researched article, Adam Sicinski describes self worth like this:
“It’s a state that is somewhat timeless and unchanging because it’s a direct measure of how you value and regard yourself in spite of what others may say or do. It’s, therefore, something that doesn’t quickly or easily change when external factors or circumstances change.
To have a high level of self-worth means having a favourable opinion or estimate of yourself. It means having unshakable faith in yourself and in your ability to follow through and get things done. Having a high degree of self-worth means feeling worthy of good things. It means feeling deserving of happiness, health, wealth, success, and love — irrespective of the difficulties you face, the disappointments you experience, or of people’s opinions. In a word, it’s unflinching.”
Wow… no wonder it seems nearly impossible to obtain… (all on our own that is!)
He goes on to describe a well documented step by step approach to building a great self worth.
To read more about this approach, click here >>
However, I’d like to offer you another perspective:
What if you were to take a look at what the bible says about your value.
What has God told you about your worth?
The bible has a lot to say! But my all time favourite is Ephesians 1.
In this passage, we learn that God has chosen us to be his very own. It was always in His perfect plan to adopt us as His children. (If you have accepted Jesus into your heart, then you are His!!)
We read that it is the same love He has for Jesus, that He also has for us.
We read about the fact that we have been given the treasure of redemption by his blood—all our sins are cancelled, all because of His amazing grace.
We then read on about the fact that His superabundant grace is already powerfully working in us, releasing within us all forms of wisdom and practical understanding.
And then it goes on the explain how we have been stamped with the seal of His promised Holy Spirit.
Wow! To me this sounds like someone of mega high value and phenomenal worth!
So then, let’s for a moment close our eyes and imagine one of these super amazing people:
Imagine someone who is highly favoured.
Someone who is loved beyond comprehension.
Someone redeemed, with all their sins forgiven.
Someone full of His wisdom and understanding.
Someone filled with the Holy Spirit.
I’d say this sounds like someone of great worth and value!
Well my friend, I’m thrilled to tell you that this super human is YOU!
So, in rewording what popular thought has to say self worth is, in my own words, I say it’s like this.
Having a high degree of self-worth means knowing you are worthy of every good thing because God says you are. It means acknowledging and receiving all the happiness, health, wealth, success, and love that God has to lavish on you— knowing that you are highly favoured even in the face of the difficulties you face, the disappointments you experience, or of people’s opinions. When you see yourself as God sees you, it will help you to understand just how much you’re really worth as one of His kids.
So the way I see it is that your worth doesn't come from 'self' after all. Rather it comes from who God says you are. And yes, in Him, it is unflinching.
If low self worth is something you struggle with, and you've had enough of it, then I'd love the opportunity to work with you to help you to grow it once and for all. You can connect with me here >> or by calling me on 0488713257. I'd love to hear from you.